Why I need to quit smoking....

For those of you know me, you know I am a smoker, have been since the age of 15 ( shhhh I'm 33). I have "practiced" quiting several times with every method available. My success rate obviously is not the greatest. Nine months was the longest 1n 2007, Thank you chantix!! ( I should mention that chantix worked to well, not only did i lose the desire to smoke, but every thing else i enjoyed as well; work, sleep, sex, and sex.......).

What has brought me to this decision to make this the final "quit" is a rather selfish decision. A decision made from the fear of the reality that inevitably it will kill me, and in all honesty, i really don't want to die anytime soon.

Let me give you some history......My Grandma, Ruth Nolte, passed away from cancer on the 23rd of June 1997 from cancer,in her 60's. She is an amazing woman! She is Saint. I have so many wonderful memories of her, my favorite is when she met her first great grand child, my oldest son, Devon, who is thirteen. I remember seeing the joy in her eyes when she held him, she had a sling on her arm, from where she had broken it, that's how the cancer was discovered. Devon was 10 months old, and she was going to hold him without help, no matter what. I can vividly recall her telling me in her own sweet way " JESUS CHRIST Heather, I have 6 kids and several grand children, I can hold him" That would be the only time she met him. A few months later she passed away......... I do miss her terribly......

My mom, who is also a SAINT!!! ( That saint gene passed me up...) Had her first diognosis of lung cancer came in 2003, roughly late 40's ( actually she was 50 but I thought the 40 thing would make her feel good) With that diognosis the docs fillet her, cut her open her from the back, took out a good chunk of her right lung, a few ribs, and her inner chest wall, that was replaced with a mesh to "act" as support...... Well That being all well and good...right...ha..

guess what decided to rear its ugly head a few years later....one of those "oh shit moments".

It was again the right lung......Wedge resection.........not like there is much to resect...thats done...oh now what... Left lung........FUCK................I believe that was a resection as well, mom can correct me if im wrong.........Thankfully it was a small section...... That surgery just about killed her...........Hospital aquired MRSA.........NICE!!!!!! (hospital change)

ATTETION ALL HEATH CARE PROVIDERS - REMEMBER INFECTION CONTROL...

( before any of you health care professional out there get pissed, I am a Nurse, so I know both sides......hahahahahahahahahahaha...)

That was the left lung, right???? Lets go back to the right....Its back....GOD DAMN IT, can my mom even remotly catch a break?... Hell no....... That being end of 2009... Radiation...... 2 round of it......... 2010........ got the big nasty tumor, just little ones left to deatroy....Yeah......Short lived..... scan of the head and neck............ well needless to say mom stats Chemo soon...

Just as after her surgries and through the radiation she will continue to work!!!!! MY MOM IS MY HERO!!!!! I LOVE YOU MOM!!

"Geneticaly, I'm next in line"........Bull Shit....... I know I should have quit a long time ago...

Now all that being said, you thinking, DAH quit smoking...............Yeah...... Im working on it......... I have just gone my first 24 hours..... without smoking and I am OK with that...........